Comparisons

After the betrayal, a very good friend who has stuck with me through all of it shared a dream he had.

But first a little back story.

I have another friend who in my opinion has seen more heartache by the age of fifty, than most of us will ever see in our lives. His firstborn child is severely handicapped and although his daughter is twenty five, she functions at a toddlers age. His first wife who is the child’s mother, died at 39 from breast cancer, leaving him with his daughter and a son who is younger. He remarried and on his wedding day his only son was killed in a car crash. His now current wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer, but after a double mastectomy, seems to be doing great.

I remember him telling me at both funerals that he was just grateful that the Lord gave him the time that he had with them. Although he seems fine, he self medicates with alcohol to, I believe, drown out the demons and sorrows that he deals with on a daily basis. I could be wrong about the inner feelings he has as we all tend to put ourselves in other’s positions. I am not wrong however about the alcohol abuse. I grew up with an alcoholic father so I know what I know.

Now, back to my other friend.

He sustained a traumatic brain injury (TBI) in Iraq so he has had his own hurdles to get over. He has seizures and headaches and memory lapses and a host of other maladies that come with TBI. He writes down his dreams for his own interpretations later. He shared a dream he had about our other friend.

In the dream, the friend told him “what I wouldn’t give to go back to 1995 and have my only problem being my wife leaving me”.

He told me that this dream was meant for him and would I please receive it in the spirit in which it was shared. I did. I’ve always used my friend with all the losses as a model for thankfulness and gratitude in the face of challenges. There aren’t a lot of people like him in the world that I’ve seen.

With all that being said, I still see the betrayal and family abandonment in the same context as a death. It is the death of someone I loved for over 35 years. The death of who I thought she was and the death of the mother my children thought they had.

She has hurt us beyond comprehension with her actions, but I still thank God that she gave me the children I have and the years of happy memories we all still remember.

Hopefully, as the years pass, and all of our lives progress, we can create new memories for not only us, but for those yet to come.

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2 thoughts on “Comparisons

  1. It is a death my friend, the death of what you had, the death of what you believed (but that doesn’t last forever) and the death of the person you were. You have to grieve for it.
    But you can become stronger, a different person who has learnt from the difficult things that life has meted out, but can still see the good.
    Our circumstances are vastly different with regard to outcome, but I do believe that, like me, you have hope and hold on to all the small things; and that will enable you to get to a better place. I did, we did, I have hope for you.
    Moisy

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The loss of your wife and relationship is still a loss that needs to be mourned, although it’s most likely more difficult as she is still alive and living a completely separate life, one that you will be wondering about.

    I’m so sorry for this betrayal, but I’m so happy that you can be grateful for the children she made with you in love xo

    Liked by 2 people

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