Tonight I decided to clear off a bookcase in my sons room that has been there for years. Both of my sons shared this room, so there’s a mix of both of these young men’s lives on the shelves.
My older son excelled in all sports, but especially golf and all of the plaques and ribbons and a lot of his trophies are on these shelves. I started remembering walking the numerous golf courses while he played. Miles and miles of walking watching him set school records. A lot were solo walks, others with his Mom. We were so proud of him. We would walk hand in hand watching him. He resembles her.
My youngest son runs cross country and his awards and ribbons are also on there. We would go to his meets and cheer him on, as a couple. Parents who were proud of their son who may not have the athletic talents of his older sibling, but always finished and never quit.
I was also boxing up the books. Books that harkened back to their childhood. Books that we both read to them as parents do.
These memories of being a couple and just loving our kids is the one thing I can truly hold onto and know we did right.
I never dreamed it would turn out the way it did. With her leaving us for someone else. She took away our family stability, but she can’t take the memories.
Every corner of this house is a memory. We built it together. It’s on my family’s ground, but I don’t think I can stay. It seems like it’s part of us, interwoven with the laughter and the birthday parties, and the family get togethers. But if I’m to move on, I don’t see how I can with the constant reminders of us that are here in these walls.
Tonight was another reminder that, although I’ve come a long way, this healing road I’m on is still stretching out before me, with no end in sight.
My family has always been my #1 priority. I’m fiercely loyal. I was always the “Mama bear” when it came to anyone screwing with any of them. I’m still that way, just one short.
I don’t know what my future holds, but I do know the past holds many beautiful memories. And I’m thankful for that.