If you follow me on Twitter, you probably know that recently I had an MRI. It was on my shoulder and I suppose it’s just part of getting older and what not.
During the part where they numbed my shoulder and injected the dye, there was a nurse who was assisting the PA. He would warn me about how I was going to feel a slight pressure, or this one is going to be a little more painful than the others. While he was saying these things, the nurse would rub my calf and reassure me.
None of it hurt. What did bring tears to my eyes was her empathy. And her touch. It wasn’t by any means sexual, and I didn’t take it that way. What I did realize was that I REALLY miss the human touch. I get hugs all the time, but this was different. It just made me melancholy for the warmth of contact.
I miss it, all of it. The male/female hug, the chance to put my arm around someone, spooning before we would fall asleep, and of course the sexual contact that we had for 30+ years. It’s a huge part of all of our lives, and for over a year now, it’s been absent.
My trust issues suck right now understandably, but someday I hope to have the contact back. Not for a day, or a weekend, those I’m guessing are attainable. I’m talking about the kind of contact that literally makes you suck air, makes you shiver, makes you smile and has you thinking about it during the day. It just pops into your head and brings a smile to your face. That’s what I want again.
I may find it again, who knows, but I know that the longer I go without it, the more I miss it.
I was made for the long haul. I just need to be patient and see who is out there that wants the same.