Awhile back a dear friend asked me if I had claimed the center of the bed yet? I wasn’t sure what she meant, so she basically asked if I was still sleeping on “my” side of the bed even though I was the only one in said bed. I told her I hadn’t and she said “you need to claim that bitch” or something along those lines. So, I did.
It lasted about two days and then I was back on my side of a queen size bed. I had thrown away the bed linens we shared simply because I looked at them as tainted. She would be with the POS and then come home to me. But I still remained on my side of “our” bed. And then I realized something. I guess I still considered it “our” bed. After all of the betrayal and the pain and the loneliness it still remained in my head and my habits as my side and her side. Old habits die hard, old memories die even harder.
So this past week I looked at the bed and realized it still had a pillow on “her” side. Like there were still two people sleeping in this bed. Well that shit had to end. I removed the pillow, put mine in the middle, and claimed the center of my bed. I can flop around if I want, I can sleep crossways if I want, I can fall asleep with the light on and a book on my chest if I want (a common occurrence). I can do anything I damn well please in MY bed. I can eat, drink, tweet, text, (okay I’m stopping here) in MY bed.
I may not have a lot of control over things in the next few months, but I can choose to take back what’s mine and not let anything else be taken from me.
My sanity, self esteem and my will to live were almost taken from me, but I persevered thanks to many, many people who were there for me at my absolute lowest. Crazy thing is, most of them were total strangers hidden behind anonymity and fake names, but we all shared a common denominator that none of us asked for.
I’m feeling the old me coming back. A much more empathetic me, but still mostly old me. I like old me. He’s an okay guy with a bunch of shit jokes, sarcasm and a lot of love to give with a new sense of self and awareness.
I hope you all get to take back or find what you need in order to move on and realize that what happens to you doesn’t have to define you.
This is MY time and YOUR time to take back the center, of whatever it is that brings you joy and happiness and the self realization that you’re so worth it!